Thailand Gap Year Research Trip – The Pirate Party
On my way to the beach something caught my eye. “Pirate Party! Tomorrow night at the Castle.” This was too good an opportunity to miss. Time to completely make a twat of my self dressed as the baddest pirate in the south China Seas ( Or Gulf of Thailand to be exact.) The mission was on. I somehow need to aquire a costume and enough Rum to Drown a small navy. I went shopping in Mae Had – the main town on Koh Tao hoping to get lucky. Considering the town consists of 2 streets you aren’t exactly spoilt for choice here. Incredibly however Mae Had turn out to be the greatest Pirate wear emporium in the world. Apart from a slight blip when I went into a shop that appeared to be about as random as you can get:
“Can I help you” said the elderly female Asian shop proprietor.
I looked at her and grinned. “I’m after some Pirate stuff.”
A look of utter confusion starred back. “Pilot?”
To clear up the confusion I though I would elaborate…“No, No Pirate. You know…Arrrrgh! Me heartys!” I shouted whilst hoping on one leg with one eye half cocked.
She was looking a little bit scared by this point, so I said “Do you sell eye patches?”.
“Doctor?” Came the response. Pretty much summing up her opinion of what I needed. I sidled out of the shop disappointed, leaving the shop assistant some what dazed shaking her head. I did not remain disappointed for long. My Spree turned up a parrot, skull and cross bones belt, bandana and all I needed to fashion the worlds largest sword, (amazing what you can achieve with duck tape, card and a curtain pole). I also found an authentic blunderbuss pistol ( which was actually a lighter) but at a little over a tenner seemed a bit much for a fancy dress costume. To this day I regret not purchasing it though. Fishermans Pants and a white shirt that looked the business. That evening I got ready round at my friend Debbie’s house, she wasn’t coming to the party as she had a throat infection, but was more than happy to cover me in Permanent marker pen tattoo’s and eye make up Jonny Depp Style. So there I was. Dressed like a pirate, a parrot stuck on my shoulder with a huge cutlass in my pants. To top it off I popped in some fake teeth that I had found and blackened out. Arrggggh!
I left hers and went to Asia Divers where I forced one of the other DMT’s to come join me – Casey from the UK. We got her an outfit together mainly from her wardrobe. Dressed up and looking ridiculous we decided to head to Lotus bar on the beach prior to hitting the castle stopping off at 7-Eleven to buy some rum.
As we entered the shop the shop assistants virtually shat them selves.
“Arggh!” I shouted.” Have ye Heard of a thing called Toothpaste? I wish to brush me Tooth. Arrgggh.”
“Arrggh!” shouted Casey.
“What about ye Rum? Arrrgh. De yeh have a bottle of Samsong.”
They didn’t they had Mekong, a Thai whiskey that tastes as if it has been distilled through a pair of soiled underpants and then mixed with car battery acid.
“Argggh, I’ll Take it.”
Loaded up on dodgy whiskey we hit the beach and lotus bar. Naturally expecting it to be a haven for pirates. It was rammed, but not one single dodgy looking outfit in sight just a lot of people some what alarmed by this half drunk, half Irish toothless Pirate entering the bar. We had a few drinks there and scared some 18 year old English girls, before heading to the castle.
It was busy but no one had really made the effort that I had, so much so that I won best out fit, no not free drinks all night, but a small bag of chocolate money. Rubbish.
At some point in the evening, not quite sure how, I was on my way back from the bar at the top of some stairs when some horrendous slag reached to grab my cutlass and hit me hard in the nuts. Now I was wearing fisherman’s trousers and no underpants. The searing pain ripped through my body as I stumbled down the stairs.
“She hit me in the nuts!” I shouted in disbelief at no one in particular. “Hit me in the Nuts! Who would do that!
As I go to the bottom of the stairs I was still ranting. “She hit me in the nuts!”
Ok! Said this other random girl Mis-interpreting what I had just said. She took a swing connecting with my balls sending another shock wave of agony through my body causing me to drop my completely full untouched Gin and tonic all over the floor.
“I cringed in utter disbelief.” “Yeow! Not again! Why? What the fuck is wrong with you people?!”
“You said hit me in the nuts” beamed my assailant.
“No!”(said in a very high pitched wail). “ I said SHE hit me in the nuts”.
“Oh shit Sorry!”
“Its ok I murmed, with a tear in my eye, as I limped off having just be assaulted twice and lost my drink in the space of 30 seconds.
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