Shaved Blue Balls and Willies Biltong.
So there I was in Hoedspruit, all alone with a simple but significant dilemma. Do I go into Wimpy Burger out of sheer retro curiosity, or should I go for the local South African delicacy curtsey of Willies Biltong hut! Willies it was. And so I turn to the subject of Biltong. Now imagine a big fat white South African dude – undoubtedly dressed in Khaki Shorts and shirt with a wide brimmed beige suede hat squatting behind a tree in the bush. No he is not taking a shit; his goal is to blow seven shades of shit out of a small defenceless buck that is grazing just several feet away. Once this has been accomplished the buck is hung to dry in his outside toilet for 17 years, rubbed in Elephant dung and then packaged for sale. It has the texture of an old boot, only it looks less appetizing, yet is tastes awesome. Trust me if you have the shits there is not more effective anal blocker than a bag of Biltong.
South Africa Gap Year Research Trip
After i had the Willies, I went to the Spar. On the way I overheard on the radio that South Africa is having a Shave-a-thon on Sunday in Aid of Cancer. “People of South Africa!” the broadcaster proudly announced. “Will you be strong enough to Shave or Spray paint in support of Cancer victims this Sunday? Join us and hundreds others at the Hoedspruit town centre for the event”. My mind was instantly filled with the images of the hottest Scandinavian chicks lining up for a full on Hollywood but before I could properly indulge my fantasy the Radio when on to announce that the shave-a-thon would be focused on the head.
“Certainly not” I muttered defiantly to myself. “But I’ll Shave my Balls” This made me laugh… But then I thought perhaps I should spray paint them instead like the blue balled monkeys. I can’t wait to present them to the unfortunate volunteer with the clippers and spray paint in hand next Sunday.
On a more poignant note, as I was in the Spar cueing to buy something there was a young African woman in front of me with her very cute little baby. The Kid was strapped to her back in a towel. My eyes wandered to her shopping as it was being scanned through the check out, I noticed she had bought two jumbo sized boxes of “Coffee Creamer”. That’s weird I thought, She must love coffee! Or perhaps she works for a Lodge and has been asked to get some? At that moment I saw on the packaging “not suitable for baby feeding” then I looked at the Toddler sat in the towel on her back. Then penny dropped. My Heart was immediately filled with sadness, as here right in front of me was an example of a person who is fucked from the start wrapped up in a towel, undernourished on Coffee Creamer. Then again may be she just loves Coffee. Maybe?
Circuits and Landings and a flight instructor with Brown Trousers.
Slight hairy moment today during my flying lesson: I narrowly missed hitting a tree (by about 5 foot) on landing. My Instructor almost shat himself but I was secretly smug knowing that I would have missed it – but only just! The flying is going well, I will be flying Solo on Monday having completed 15 hours of flight time, I seem to be really good at landings and takeoffs (well apart from today!) but keeping the plane in the air and flying straight and level is holding me back a bit. Still practice is improving my pilot skills daily.
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